man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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