a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
