No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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