I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
