Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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