Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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