vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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