I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
