Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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