This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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