Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
