ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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