Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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