Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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