id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
