Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
