The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
