I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
