My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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