College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone came in the potted fern
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
