I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
