i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Semen is not good for contacts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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