I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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