tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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