My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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