I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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