My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
