3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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