big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
