I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
