My underwear smells like fireworks.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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