Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
