i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
