Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
