he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
