God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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