Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
