I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
