thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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