Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
