Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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