Are we in a gay sports bar?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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