Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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