her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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