I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
