And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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