I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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