It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
