real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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