I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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