Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
