There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
