Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
