I wish I could teleport
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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