so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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